Friday, July 4, 2014

Love, Mama

Dear James,

Last night was a mess. It rained so hard that caused Makati to flood. I was still in the office while raining hard which was a good thing, since I don't have to risk myself getting wet at all. Came my home time, I checked on our window ( I was in the 30th floor, Anak) and saw that there was still flood all over the place, while the traffic is terrible. They can't use the other lane because of the gutter deep flood. I have the option to stay in the office since we have sleeping quarters and shower yet I forced myself and my friend to go home immediately. Although I know how dangerous it may be walking on the street barefooted, I can step on something and get hurt, you know? or even fall on a man hole. But I slapped my sub conscious scared mind because I really wanted to go home.We went down to the ground floor and witnessed how miserable the traffic is. We walked a little and found out that the flood was the scariest – for me. Honestly Anak, Mama is scared of flood. For all the places I lived, I never experienced flood. I was really really scared when I witnessed how deep the flood was in Daddy's place so I am in the argument with him not to live in the same area.. at all. I only swim on the beach, not on flood baby. Anyway, going back, I insisted to walk from Pasong Tamo, where my office is to LRT Gil Puyat Station with my friend. It is quite far baby but it was fun walking with a friend with good sense of humor . It was raining a bit too and just so you know, Mama is scared with rains too since I gave birth to you. They said that when I get myself wet on the rain, I'll get crazy daw kasi I have just given birth to you so I never ever want to rain when I am outside. Of course there will be things like this when it rains really hard and I have to be brave.. for you. I walked even there was no flood before LRT station and rode a bus without shoes too while I am wearing a beautiful dress and a nice bag. The guy beside me was looking at me thinking I have no poise but I don't care at all. 

I went home safe, thank God. I washed my feet immediately then I changed clothes. I was so sleepy by then since I got tired of walking. It was hard to walk pala kapag baha, Anak. I fell asleep almost immediately after I and Daddy talked on the phone. I was a little bit mad kasi he didn't text me if I'm home already or did I get drown ba by the flood eh. But anyway, were alright. 

I was thinking while riding the bus this morning as to why did I drag myself to go home even if it’s dangerous? Then I immediately said “why ask?” the answer Anak is that Mama always want to sleep with you at night. Though I can’t kiss you goodnight, at least I will have a chance to be beside you while you sleep peacefully. I want you to wake up with me so we can play a little before I go back to work again.
I remembered the frustration I had back in January when I went back to that company who has been calling me to pursue my career with them while I am 8 months pregnant with you but later on rejected me. I badly want a morning shift Anak so nagpaka choosy ang Mama mo. I am scared that if I don’t sleep with you at night, you would not recognize me as your Mama and would not be that person you would run to when you need anything. I want a morning job so I can be with you, so I can tuck you to bed and read books to you though I just can’t right now since Mama was on afternoon shift so when I come home, you are fast asleep. Although malapit ng sumabog utak ko sa kaka budget ng money namin ni Daddy, keri pa din than working at night then seeing you only in the morning where you are widely awake and I, not having the energy to make kulitan. I am glad that I always come home and see you. I never would exchange those moments to something else.

Thank you James, for teaching me how to be patient with your never ending kakulitan, for teaching me the true meaning of unconditional love. Everything is definitely worth it. I promise to take care of you until my last breath and I would never want us to get separated even for a day. I know in time, you will be ready to try your wings and fly on your own, don’t worry, I will be glad to set you free because I know by then, I have instilled independence and good values to you. So help me God. =)

I love you James! =)



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